Am I wrong for asking her to repay me the money I'm out for her wedding????

I was a bridesmaid for someone that I considered a very good friend. As her bridesmaid, I hosted one of her multiple bridal showers. I also purchased a dress that she picked out from an online wholesaler, and paid for alterations, shoes %26amp; accessories. Well now 2 days after the shower, my "friend" comes up to me %26amp; says that I'm no longer needed to be a bridesmaid. Her hubbys friend isn't going to be coming,(groomsmen) therefore there is no need for me. Because of the seating arrangements I'm also no longer invited to the wedding. (I would have been sitting at the attendants table if I were still invited) Because I'm no longer an attendant she can't add chairs to the already full tables. I feel that I was used. I asked her to reimburse me for my expenses. She said that she is not paying for items that she didn't purchase. I think she should at least pay me for my dress ($250) if not anything else. Is it wrong for me to feel that I should be compensated. I cant even attend now!!

Am I wrong for asking her to repay me the money I'm out for her wedding????
All I can say is WOW!





I hope you saved every receipt for all your purchases- you'll need those if you take her to small claims court.





If this happened to me- this is what I would do. I am a letter writer. I would first make copies of all the receipts I had. Then I would write a letter to this girl- recounting all the expenses I paid because SHE asked me to be her bridesmaid. I would explain how wrong it was of her to attend a shower I hosted and two days later tell me that my services nor friendship are no longer needed. I would explain how her excuses of not having a groomsman to walk with in the ceremony and how I would ruin her pictures are poor excuses and show her true nature. I would say this all in a very nice letter and end it telling her how hurt I am that she took advantage of me and how disappointing her behavior is and could she find it in her heart to reimburse me the money for my expenses since she uninvited me to her wedding.





And then I would attach a copy of the receipts to a copy of the letter and send it to everyone I could think of. Her fiance- mutual friends- her parents- his parents. If I didnt have mailing addresses- I would scan everything and send out in a massive email. I am sure it would feel better to write a nasty letter- but a nice letter would have more of an impact.





Because that girl is WRONG on so many levels. You may not get your money back- but then again- this girl may be shamed into paying you back. It sounds like the friendship is over anyways.





Good Luck.
Reply:WOW, she doesn't sound like a friend.





A friend would not have said anything like that, or said you were also not invited to the wedding.





A friend would have had you still in the wedding, and have just been one short on one side.





I would discontinue all contact with her and wipe your hands of it.





Is the dress nice? If it is, keep it in your collection.





If its hideous, try craigslist or ebay or sell it to a shop.
Reply:Cna you be a hostess, someone who helps place the wedding gifts on the table and someone who makes sure the bridal party gets what they need to eat and also be abole to attend the reception. If not she does own you for the dress and alterations but nothing else. You did those things because YOU thought SHE was your friend,
Reply:Is this about cost or has your friendship taken a turn? I don't see why you can't still be a bridesmaid no matter what the groomsman decided to do. Uneven numbers isn't that big of a deal and after all, you're there to support her, right?





I'd ask if she'd go 50/50 if she's not willing to have you in her wedding under any circumstance. If not, call Judge Judy!!
Reply:Does she have a clue of what you have invested? I think it only fair she pay pay for at least some of what you have spent. For her to do this at the last minute is not right.
Reply:Wow...Was it the girl on here yesterday who was asking how to kick someone out of her bridal party?? Trying to find a way to justify wanting to kick her "friend" out of her bridal party?





Anyways....I think it is only fair that she pay you for your dress, alterations and shoes and any accessories she requested you and the other bridesmaids to buy as a group.





Type up a bill and send it to her via certified mail. Tell her that if she does not reimburse you within 30 days that you are going to file a claim and take her to small claims court. Make copies of the receipts for everything you bought that SHE requested you purchase and mail them to her too, so that she has a copy. Save the real receipts for the court date.
Reply:You have been done so wrong.





If you can afford it .. chock this up as being involved with the wrong person as a friend.





You have done a lot of nice things for her. However, trying to retrieve money from her will probably just add to your lists of woes .... because she will probably never give you anything.


If you try to get paid back -- you will probably become more frustrated than ever .. and it won't be worth it. And you probably won't get anything from her anyway.





You were a good solid friend. You did a lot of really nice things ... above %26amp; beyond. You were wronged. Just know - you did good things .. and that you were a good-enough person to help a friend. Stay that good person .. never change.





If you can - completely walk away from it .. shake the dust from your shoes .. and just go away from her. It will be her loss.





Don' t let what this one person did to you .. affect you being the great friend, and person, you are.
Reply:I haven't read the other comments but I think the bride is being a true BRIDEZILLA. You should probably give her an itemized list of all the things you are asking to be reimbursed for and explain that they were ONLY purchased for her wedding. You can also try returning them to the vendors. If she wanted to, she could ask the caterers to add another table (even a small one). I actually had a small table to seat two persons at my wedding. The other tables were six but people just thought those were special guests. They were actually people who turned up without RSVPing, but were coming from overseas so I gladly accommodated them. She is being unreasonable but chalk it up to being an overly emotional bride.
Reply:She owes you big time!!!


I've never hear of anyone so RUDE!


Forward her this Q/A and let her see


how many people think she is a real ????????
Reply:Your friend is a Bridezilla. You went from bridesmaid to being uninvited? Wow. That's harsh.





Actually, it's nonsense. She could re-do the seating arrangements if she really wanted you to be there. It's also not unheard of to have different numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Did you two have a falling out? I only ask because it seems totally bizarre for her to turf you out entirely without a damn good reason. You don't demote or un-invite someone unless that person did something horrible. The 'groomsman isn't coming' reason is all she gave you? that's crazy.





If you can't get a refund for all the items you bought, she absolutely should reimburse you.
Reply:Wow, I would look into taking her to small claims court as someone else suggested.





I can't believe someone would sacrifice a friends feelings for a "picture perfect" wedding. The only picture perfect wedding is the one where you are surrounded by friends and loved ones and enjoy yourself. There will always be something that goes wrong and it's how you handle it that counts.





It is completely rude of her to ask you and then unask you and uninvite you to the wedding. that just takes the cake I can't believe how selfish and rude that is.





I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Although look at the bright side you will not have to deal with her on the wedding day. Believe me she is going to be a nightmare, and it will not be a perfect day. I'm sure something will go wrong and she will throw a fit. Oh well that is what happens when you are nasty, what comes around goes around!





If you can't get your money back you may be able to sell your dress on Ebay or Craigslist (or even whipads). Good luck!
Reply:I would ask her nicely to re-pay the money (all or most of it, not just the dress). If she refused, I would take her to small claims court. This is no friend. Unbelievable.
Reply:The nerve! I've heard some despicable things before but this really takes the cake!





First of all--and by the way I'm a lawyer--get your receipts together and send her a letter with copies of the receipts and your total expenses and insist on being reimbursed for EVERYTHING or you'll take her to small claims court. Copy her fiance (her parents, too, if they are paying for the wedding). If she doesn't repay you within 2 weeks, go file a claim. Usually the small claims court will help you with this.





Second, except for whatever contact you need to have with this woman to recoup your losses, write her out of your life. Don't attend her wedding, even if she "finds a place" for you. This is too much.
Reply:Not wrong at all, no, she should pay you back as it was her choice to ask you to step down, you fulfilled all your obligations and she is the one who made changes to her plans. What a cow, do you know I think I'd sue her.
Reply:Have the other brides maids paid for their gowns etc?


Have you spoken to them about this?


Have you spoken to her husband to be? or her parents?


Who is paying for the wedding? They are the people you should be asking to reimburse you.


Are you partnered? Maybe your partner can fill in for the grooms friend.


Does she know how much you have already spent on your wedding attire?


If she will not go long with these suggestions and is not willing to reimbursed you, I would seek legal advise.
Reply:Not wrong at all. That is terrible. How can she just cut you out and not even invite you? And to say there is not a seat for you. Very insensitive. I think she should pay for the dress at least if it cannot be sent back. That is a very bad way to treat a friend. I don't think you can call her a friend now because friends do not do those kind of things.





This almost sounds like one of those Judge Judy things on TV. I am sure you would win, I am so sorry for you.





Possibly you could sell the stuff on eBay. Just a thought. But I think she need to pay...have you talked to her parents?





Good luck Honey.
Reply:Wow! Now this is a story for the TV Show "Bridezilla!"





OK....I can't believe:





a. She is worried about having an even number....that is lame;


b. Why are you NOT invited to the wedding AT ALL now....again...lame;


c. I don't believe the BS about not being able to put one more chair at a table;


c. She DEFINITELY used you!!





I would be spitting nails if I were you! You most certainly SHOULD BE compensated. I would think that this is THE END of any kind of friendship that you had. As a matter of fact, I can't believe that you would even want her as a friend anymore. I would gather all my receipts, etc. and take her to small claims court. This is the worst case of "Bridezilla" that I have ever come across!





She is an ex-friend.
Reply:If she refuses to reimburse you for at least half the costs then I suggest you locate receipts or other documents and take her to small claims court. Her behavior and unwillingness to give you back even partial money is negligent, immature, and pathetic on her part.





Serve this Bridezilla with papers and thank your lucky stars you didn't continue to be friends with her.
Reply:go out and get the book called Bad Bridesmaid and make her read it. I would have smacked her silly by now. What an insensitive little moo!!





Oh and I would contact the other bridesmaids and tell them what she has done - maybe then they might pull out of the wedding too. the pictures wouldnt look so perfect then huh?
Reply:You've already hosted a bridal shower for her at which she attended and accepted gifts? And you've bought your dress and everything? And now you're out of the wedding because some fathead groomsmen isn't going to be there? Why doen't the groom have any other friends that can step in and take the other guys place? This is a puzzling turn of events but not uncommon. Did you actually receive an actual wedding invitation and R.S.V.P. ? I would total up the amount of money that you have spent, send the so called friend a registered letter and ask to be reimbursed for your expenses. If not explain that you will take her to small claims court. I will say in my experience I haven't seen a wedding yet where this didn't happen! I have seen more than one friendship ruined this way.
Reply:I certainly hope she enjoys looking at her perfect pictures by herself, because if this is the way she treats "friends", she won't keep many of them.





As far as the money goes, I would think anything she specifically asked you to pay for should be reimbursed. Her wedding was the one and only reason why you spent money on those things. These aren't purchases you would have probably otherwise made.





You spent a lot of money to enhance her picture-perfect wedding, and she kicked you out for your trouble.





BTW, if the best man comes down with the flu two days before the wedding, will the maid of honor be dumped, as well?
Reply:call judge Judy if she refuses or judge Mathis. who needs ungrateful friend like her. and you are 1000 % right to ask back that money. and cut her behind lose
Reply:take her to small claims court!!! by her doing this, she does, in my opinion, owe you money for the dress at least! but I would sue her for everything.
Reply:I'd try taking her to small claims court...if you think your friendship is truly over and you don't care if it's ever mended. I don't know if you'd win, but it sure would be worth a try to do a 'Judge Judy' type thing on her.





She's a very selfish person to not even find a way to for you to attend the wedding. That is not the mark of a caring person or a friend. Having a bridesmaid without a groomsman would have been perfectly acceptable or they could have just had you come and look for an empty chair---there is always someone who doesn't come at the last minute or who hangs out at the bar and never sits the whole night.





I don't blame you for being upset. This was a terrible thing to do to a person.
Reply:This is the most bizarre thing I have ever read on here and I've seen some crazy things. First of all, obviously the idea that she can't have an uneven wedding party is absurd. Most people do these days. The pictures will be fine. That's why you hire a professional photographer. Secondly, it's crazy to say that she can't add a chair to a table for you. What a lie! There is something else going on here. I don't think it really matters what it is because obviously the friendship is over. You should be compensated. I would send her a detailed listing of the items that you wish to be reimbursed for over e-mail. I would also tell her that if she doesn't pay up that you will be taking her to small claims court. (Tell her that even if you aren't, trust me she'll pay up) If you did take her you would win. Good Luck.
Reply:You were played BIG TIME and I would expect Her to pay all the costs you incured and she is so rude to dis invite you....she has no manners or edicate and I give the marrage 6 months and carma will get even with her...what goes around comes around.





FYI...she is Not your friend.
Reply:Is this truly all there is to this? If so she is a downright little ****** and I would definitely be asking for my money back. She did use you and I dont understand how she can possibly live with herself. I cant believe anyone would be so rude and mean.


No Longer invited to the wedding? That is just rediculous, I have never heard of anyone so horrible.


I would end this so called friendship here and now. I would not spend a penny more on her and i would be demanding at least the dress be paid for.


I think you could legally sue for costs. Tell her you are going to anyways, it might put the wind up her enough to cough up.
Reply:If you really want to get even - show up to the wedding wearing the dress!!


don't let her know you are there and walk down the aisle...that would DESTROY her!! hehehe.....


And don't stop there....eat the food, drink the wine, and bring a date!


heck - invite some of your friends too - make her wedding about you :)


you would rock if you did that!
Reply:You are totally right in feeling used %26amp; in wanting your money back!





Do you know if her parents are paying for the wedding? If yes, you might even contact her mother if you think she might not know what the bride has done to you. She may be sympathetic %26amp; help you out with the money or make her daughter help you.





In the meantime, I would call a lawyer %26amp; find out if you have a case against her. Even if you don't, you might write an official looking letter to her %26amp; a copy to her parents stating that you had a verbal agreement %26amp; you spent this money in good faith. Unless they are willing to come forth with it, you are going to pursue legal action against them. Usually a letter like this will spur people on to do the right thing.





If all this fails, you may have to chalk this up to the fact that some people are mean, hateful, selfish liars, and go on about your business, comforted by the fact that you are not like her!



nanny